May I tell you my story? This is the story of my pregnancy loss and battle with anorexia. It was a week before my birthday in 2015. It was the Friday of my first week as an intern at the mental health facility I had been thrilled to get an offer from. It started like a normal morning. I got my tasks for the day from my supervisor and went back to my office (I know! My own office!). By midmorning, my stomach started to hurt bad enough for me to call my doctor. She spoke the words I feared she was going to say; that I could be having a miscarriage. She instructed me to check and see if I was bleeding. The next thing I remember is someone banging on the bathroom stall and asking if I was alright and if I could unlock the door. It wasn’t a miscarriage, it was an ectopic pregnancy. My fallopian tube had ruptured and I was hemorrhaging blood, that’s what caused me to pass out. I was rushed to the ER where the doctor told me I was lucky because women died from ectopic pregnancies. I had surgery to remove my left Fallopian tube and the tiny embryo. I was devastated. I felt like everything was out of my control.
I realized I could control what I ate, or even better, what I didn’t eat. It wasn’t long until I met Ana (my name for my anorexia). Ana made me feel in control and powerful. I began to shrink. I felt beautiful. I could see my bones, but to me I saw beauty and I loved it. At my lowest, I weighed about 100 pounds. I loved my anorexia, but it was hurting my family and slowly killing me. On April 28, 2016 I decided I needed to heal. I was in therapy, I was on so many medications I needed a morning and evening pill container, and I had all the doctors, but they weren’t healing me. I needed to heal myself. So, I decided to go to the library for a cookbook to help me on the journey.
I remember standing in front of the plant based cookbooks and scanning the titles. That’s when I saw it for the first time. Crazy Sexy Juice. “What the fuck?” I whispered to myself in the quiet aisle. I pulled it down and Kris Carr’s infectious smile gleamed back at me. I opened the book and leafed through the pages of recipes. It was just fruits and veggies, “those were safe foods with little calories, but nutrient dense. I could do this,” I thought, clutching the book to my chest. I tried a green smoothie first. It wasn’t bad and I could keep it down. It was also super simple to make. Later, I tried my hand at juicing. I could feel my body sing as the chlorophyll filled my body with the nutrients I had been depriving it of. Food wasn’t the enemy, it was fuel. I slowly started to shift my mindset of how I viewed food and calories. I know Ana will never fully go away, but she’s no longer calling the shots. I take everything a day at a time. My mantra is one green smoothie at a time because even when something outside of my control happens, and it will, I can control what goes into my body (or better yet, what doesn’t). I’m plant based because that’s what my body needs to feel its best. I start my mornings with a green smoothie and some journaling.
As I learned more from Kris Carr, I realized that I wanted to help people. I wanted to become a health coach and holistic nutritionist. Almost as if the universe could hear my decision, I received an email from Kris Carr suggesting a school called the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, or IIN. I enrolled in 2021 and graduated in 2022. IIN has given me advanced knowledge in all holistic practices that I had started investigating in my healing journey. They introduced me to concepts like Primary foods, the foods that nourish us off the plate, and secondary food, the food on the plate. Honestly, I wish I had found IIN ten years ago.The knowledge I am gaining from the program has made a huge impact on my life and the life of the ones I love. A ripple effect if you will. I hope to share with you the holistic practices that have helped turn me into someone who thrives. Let’s start our journey together! One green smoothie at a time. Cheers!
